


the same damn hunger (to be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all)

by riyakataria



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: And angsty, Angst, F/F, Mild Smut, Top Betty, and emo, but maybe a happy ending, they're gay, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-06 19:15:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riyakataria/pseuds/riyakataria
Summary: Betty doesn't let Veronica kiss her on the mouth anymore. It's much too intimate and really, feelings would just mess up this whole thingOr in which Betty is in denial(loosely based off of halsey's "strangers")





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My writing skills are a bit rusty, but please let me know how you liked it! Also, I know this is short. Please forgive me. I just wanted to dip my toe in before I full on started writing again.

At 12:38 AM, the door is open just long enough for Veronica and Betty to slip inside, and then closed fast enough for Betty to push Veronica against the wood.  
( _‘think touch don’t feel’_ plays over and over in Betty’s mind)  
Veronica’s eyes close and her mouth opens up as she starts to make a noise that Betty knows makes her weak in the knees ( _‘think touch don’t feel’_ ) but before that can happen, Betty’s already swallowed the sound with a searing kiss. Her hips roll on Veronica’s and her hands find her way under Veronica’s shirt, unhooking her bra and feeling her skin rise with goosebumps wherever Betty’s hands go. Betty’s mouth moves away from Veronica’s lips to her ears and whispers,  
“Ms. Lodge, you have no idea what you do to me”  
Veronica is screaming Betty’s name by 12:48 AM.  
Betty is out the window at 1:02 AM, only pausing to gaze at a sleeping Veronica, whose hair falls over her face and her lips are slightly parted and swollen from one too many kisses.  
( _‘think touch don’t feel’_ )

Betty can’t have feelings for Veronica Lodge. The fact that she’s sneaking out at night (12:22 last night, if she’s being precise) just to meet the daughter of the town’s mystery has Betty wondering what happened to her. She used to be the daughter her mother wanted, no, _needed_ her to be. Ever since Polly got sent away, Betty’s been the girl next door, getting straight A’s, taking her Adderall every day, making sure she looked presentable, and shining a bright light on the Coopers.  
(No one wants to talk about how there’s the same static between Betty and Veronica that there was with Cheryl and Polly before Polly got sent away)  
So why is Betty risking all of that for a goddess with bright red lips and eyes that just get darker when they look at Betty’s? Why is Betty risking all of that for a girl who makes all the heat in the world pool low in her stomach? Why is Betty risking everything for a girl whose taste Betty wipes off by kissing Jughead long and hard every morning?  
(He tastes like smoke and safety; Veronica tastes like fire and the feeling of filling up that emptiness that’s been sitting in Betty’s chest for too damn long)  
Then Betty is snapped back to the present by a laugh that sounds like thousands of wind chimes and Betty’s heart _skips a beat_.  
She was never supposed to feel anything but Veronica’s fingers on the waistband of her jeans.

The next time Betty comes over, it’s 12:16 AM. Veronica leans into capture Betty’s lips but Betty turns away. Immediately, she regrets it as Veronica pulls back and frowns.  
“Betts, what’s wrong?”  
Betty swallows, her throat suddenly dry and aching. “I just don’t think we should kiss anymore.”  
Veronica nods. “Okay, if you don’t want to kiss today--”  
“Not just today. I meant _never_ ”  
(Betty’s heart can’t help but sink at the light leaving Veronica’s eyes at that exact moment)  
And god, Betty’s orgasm left her emptier than she’s ever been at 12:47 AM.

Betty calls Veronica at exactly 7:32 PM, and though conversation is full of words, nothing gets said.

Betty has feelings for Veronica Lodge. Ever since the fire pooled low in her stomach during the cheerleading tryouts, Betty has been trying to deny this fact. Because the simple fact is that Veronica Lodge leaves Betty Cooper on the edge. Betty knows that if she let herself have feelings for Veronica Lodge, then all her walls would come crashing down and _no_ , Betty is just too fucking weak for that. Betty is too weak for anything. And so, she thinks touches but never feels through every encounter with Veronica Lodge, and ignores the fact that Veronica makes Betty feel like a goddamn supernova. And sometimes, she gets so close to pushing Veronica out of her head that the way her eyes flick to Betty’s almost doesn’t do anything for Betty at all.  
(Note the word almost)  
But still, Betty stays in denial until one fateful night, when Cheryl invites the River Vixens over for a “team bonding” and it gets turned into one massive game of truth or dare and next thing you know, Betty and Veronica are both a bit tipsy. Their comments get more lewd and the “accidental” touches get more suggestive until the whole team is sure-but-unsure of the sparks flying between the two girls. But then, when Veronica drags Betty into an empty room upstairs and pulls off her jacket, Betty starts sobbing because goddamn these feelings for Veronica and apologizing to Veronica and never feeling so goddamn empty as she is right now. And all Veronica can do is hold her tight and rock her back and forth and whisper ‘ _I know Betts, I know. And I would wait a thousand lifetimes for you_ ’  
(It’s 2:24 AM and Betty doesn’t think nor touch, but she can’t stop feeling)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "i miss the thought of a forever, you and me"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to add a part two to round off the story. Tell me if you enjoyed it!

It’s been exactly 12 days since Betty’s breakdown at the party and she aches so desperately for Veronica’s hands on her skin again. But she knows that she can’t long for that feeling, that touch, that thought. And who cares if once upon a time, Betty could give her whole life to Veronica? It doesn't matter anymore because in Betty’s head, Veronica and her are nothing but strangers.  
(The only thing that keeps this illusion going in Betty’s head is Jughead coming over at night, kissing her softly. Taking it _much_ too slow.)  
At first, Veronica tries to fight it. She texts Betty at 2:17 AM two days before the present, asking her what’s wrong, to meet up and talk about what’s wrong, please Betty say something _say anything_. But Betty just ignores it until last night at 1:52 AM, when she almost, _almost_ texts Veronica back. But before she can hit send, she catches herself and instead hits the block button.  
(But not before Veronica texts her the three words she dreaded to hear the most.)  
Instead, Betty immerses herself in anything and everything. Her grades maintain their straight A average, her cheerleading skills get better and better, and even Cheryl Blossom gives her a grudging compliment or two. But that doesn’t change the fact that Betty can’t seem to get more than an hour of sleep at a time before she wakes up in a cold sweat, hips arching off the bed with a certain brunette’s name souring her lips.  
The only peace Betty has is the fact that school is ending, and if she’s lucky, she won’t have to see Veronica at all for the next three months. Instead, she has a pre-college program to attend in New York, where she’ll be studying journalism and getting a head start on her career. At least that’s what Betty’s mother says. To Betty, it’s just an opportunity to escape from the normalcy of this small town and more accurately, the she-devil residing there.  
(Betty refuses to acknowledge the fact that she and Veronica applied for the program at the same time and day.)

At 1:03 PM, Betty lands in New York, two days before her program starts. At 3:47 PM, Betty arrives at the university, determined to forget every single thing weighing her down at Riverdale. At 5:15 PM, after getting situated, Betty lays back on her bed, sighing, wiping out every image behind her eyes of Veronica. The crescents in her palm only grow larger and redder with every passing minute, but Betty refuses to think about that right now. Instead, she wonders about her new roommate and decides to get some dinner (to swallow the taste if Veronica out of her mouth).  
(Betty falls asleep at 9:22 PM after calling Jughead, and it’s her first full night of sleep in weeks.)  
The next day, Betty takes in the sights of New York City, acting like every tourist she’s ever seen before. With her camera in hand and every thought of the small town she left behind gone, Betty genuinely smiles for the first time in what seems like forever. Getting to the top of the Empire State Building, Betty realizes that this city is so big, and everyone so small. And her feelings? Even smaller. And so when the city lights are bright and fill her up endlessly, Betty decides to head back to her dorm, anticipating the arrival of her new roommate.  
(Betty doesn’t seem to acknowledge how, while the lights can fill her up, they still leave her feeling empty.)  
At 10:22 PM, Betty stands outside the dorm, smoothing down her hair. She wants to make the best first impression she can to her new roommate. Because good first impressions lead to friendship and friendship leads to closeness and closeness leads to forgetting.  
(About whom, Betty doesn't want to say.)  
And so when Betty opens the door, ready to greet the roommate with a smile and wave, the only words that slip out of her are  
“Are you fucking kidding me?”  
At which her roommate looks up and says “Hey Betts.”  
(Betty doesn't miss the way Veronica freezes for just a moment.)

It’s been two days and three hours, and Betty already can’t handle the static between them. Besides the “Hey Betts” that Veronica offered when they first saw each other, Veronica hasn’t shown any signs of knowing Betty before this meeting. Betty likes to think of this as a sick twist of fate. Everything felt fine when Betty was ignoring Veronica, but when the roles are reversed, Betty feels sick to her stomach.  
(Not that she didn’t feel that way when she was ignoring Veronica.)  
At 3:28 PM, Veronica bumps into Betty in class, knocking over her books, and murmurs a soft apology.  
(Betty can see that the apology is weighed down by so much more)  
And these feelings drive Betty crazy because no, no, _no_. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. Betty is not gay, no she is not, because if she was gay, that would make her different. Not the good type of different. Not the type of different that got her into Yale. IT’s the type of different that would get the whole town talking about her, only under their breaths, with pity dancing atop their lips.  
The last time that happened, Betty could feel herself sinking into a dark pit, and it wasn’t even explicitly _her_ they were talking about. If that’s how everyone reacted when Polly messed up, how would they react when they found out about Betty and Veronica?  
And so instead, Betty dances around Veronica, afraid that even the slightest touch will bring the whole place down in flames. She times when she’ll be out and back at the dorm just so she won’t bump into Veronica. And Veronica’s seems to act up through these days, so when she is in a shared room with Betty, her lips are usually preoccupied with something other than ignoring Betty’s.  
(Betty ignores the fact that one day when she walked in at 10:28 PM, Veronica’s lips on another made it feel like Veronica was trying to burn away the taste of Betty.)

And for a while, she succeeds. She pushes all thoughts of Veronica out of her head and instead, rises to the top of her class, gathering attention as the prodigy 16-year-old reporter. Her classmates like her, she calls home daily, and even manages to offer a text or two back to Jughead.  
But of course, she has to go and fuck it all up. At 3:14 AM one night, she comes face to face with an empty dorm. Betty’s too drunk to think straight, so instead, she pulls out her phone and calls the first number on the screen and puts it on speakerphone.  
“Betty?”  
“Juggie….I wish you were here. I miss youuuuu”  
Betty can hear the confusion and annoyance in his voice. “Are you drunk again? Jesus Christ, you have to stop drinking all your feelings away.”  
And for some reason, that gets Betty giggling. Laughing even. “Oh Juggie, I don’t even have any feelings to drink away. Ronnie’s made sure of that.”  
And then she freezes, because she promised herself she’d never use that name again, and here she is, using it. Jughead isn’t having any of that right now.  
“Betts, go to sleep and just, stop doing this.”  
The use of her nickname wipes Betty’s head clear of any emotion except one: anger. “You can’t call me that Juggie. That name’s not for you.”  
“Betty, what the hell are you talking about?”  
“What I’m saying is…”  
What was Betty saying? She didn’t know till the words slipped out of her mouth.  
“We’re breaking up. We’re over. Goodbye Jughead Jones.”  
And at 3:19 AM, Betty hangs up on Jughead, feeling fuller than she has for a while.  
(Jughead never calls back.)

Betty wakes up at 10:22 AM, terribly hungover, and not realizing that her class starts in eight minutes. That’s until she spots a piece of paper taped to a bottle of water. It reads “Telling them you were sick. Next time, check if the room is actually empty.”  
Betty doesn’t realize what the second sentence means until she’s halfway through the bottle of water and when she does, she nearly spits out the sip she’s just taken. Did Veronica really hear everything between Jughead and Betty last night? Betty can feel her face growing red, but she keeps drinking the water and thinking about the note until she eventually falls asleep again.  
At 5:36 PM, the door opens quietly, and Betty finds herself face to face with the one and only Veronica Lodge. The only difference is, when they make eye contact, Betty grabs onto her gaze as tight as she can.  
Betty’s the first one to speak. “Thank you. For the water. And telling them I was sick and…” She trails off, not knowing what else to say.  
There’s a moment of silence before Veronica offers her a barely noticeable smile. “It was the right thing to do.”  
“Still, you didn’t have to.”  
“Betty, I did it anyway, and it’s okay.”  
Betty takes a deep breath. “I miss you.”  
Veronica’s eyebrows shoot up. “You miss me?” Betty nods, and Veronica looks insure for just a second. But after a moment of eye contact, the two girls smile at each other. And at 5:42 PM, an unspoken friendship starts up again.

As soon as they’re speaking once again, Betty and Veronica are joined by the hip. Whether it’s getting food together, working on homework, or just being together, one is not seen without the other. And for the first time in a while, Betty is genuinely happy. She smiles, she laughs, she even fucking _giggles_ when she’s around Veronica. Betty realizes how much she’s missed having a best friend by her side, to comfort her when she realizes Jughead and her _actually_ broke up, to listen to her when she finally rants about her mother, and to just be there for her.  
Which why Betty is excited, even ecstatic, when Veronica is assigned to be her partner for the big final project. When both their names are announced, Veronica just grins and slides her things over to Betty’s table.  
“Well, looks like fate brings us back together once again.”  
(Betty doesn’t remember how to breathe from 2:34 PM to 2:35 PM.)

Miraculously, Betty and Veronica focus on their work and the task at hand, and they finish hours before the project is due online. At 6:27 PM, Veronica’s hands type the last word and she looks at Betty, grinning, with something unreadable in her eyes. Betty smiles back, proud of herself for not ruining the whole thing with stupid feelings, so she says it to Veronica in her own way.  
“Look, we did it! We’re done! And we did it together. Comrades, working shoulder to shoulder, with no desperate kissing or lusty sexual undertones. No awkwardness. Just good old-fashioned platonic buddies.”  
And at exactly 6:30 PM, Veronica is pushing Betty against the wall, her lips hungry for another hit of the drug that is Betty Cooper.

Betty Cooper looks in the mirror one last time. She whispers her name one last time.  
“Betty Cooper. I’m Betty freakin’ Cooper. I can do this.”  
“You won’t be Betty Cooper for long”, says a voice, the owner of it sliding her arms around Betty’s waist. Betty grins and turns around.  
“Careful! You’ll ruin the dress! And aren’t you not supposed to see the bride before the wedding?”  
Veronica just hums and leans in for a long kiss. When the two finally break apart, Veronica smiles and just looks at Betty.  
“What?” Betty feels insecure for a split second.  
Veronica just shakes her head and smiles even more. “How did I ever get so lucky Betty Cooper?”  
And at 12:30 PM, Betty Cooper’s heart flutters as she says, “And how did I ever get so lucky Veronica Lodge?”  
(And for the first time, Betty feels full again)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone can spot the reference to a very gay webseries in there, I appreciate you so much.  
> Let me know if you liked it!

**Author's Note:**

> Considering having a part 2 for this... let me know what you think!


End file.
